Last Thursday night, I attended a wedding reception and ran into a dear friend. We spent our time in the receiving line catching up. I told her about my husband's new call. She talked about her experiences dating again. Almost three years ago, her husband left her and their five children after having an affair. I remember how devastated and shocked we all were at this news. I saw this couple as having the ideal marriage.
As we visited, I shared with her some of my deepest fears. I don't feel as close to Lin anymore. He is so busy. His mind is always somewhere else. There are things he knows that he can't tell me. There are secrets that he has to keep and I am scared of the distance that I feel between us. I had never vocalized my feelings even to myself but there they were. I didn't want to lose my husband. I didn't want to lose the love and the closeness we had shared. This bishop thing had come between us.
Later that night, I was in bed alone and I began to feel anxious again. As I started to pray, a feeling of peace came over me. The Spirit whispered to me, "They are not his secrets." With joy, I realized that was true. This is different. They are not his secrets. He is taking other people's secrets and carrying them to God. He is entrusted as the secret keeper for a short time. He can help people carry their burdens to the throne of God, where he can leave the secrets and let the Atonement do it's work.
Suddenly I could picture Frodo bearing the ring. (I told you everything comes back to the Lord of the Rings in our family.) It was almost more than Frodo could carry at times but he wasn't on his journey alone. While Sam couldn't carry the ring, Sam could stand beside Frodo. And Sam would eventually carry the ring-bearer to his destination on Mount Doom.
I loved this image. The Bishop is holding those secrets but I am holding the Bishop and loving and strengthening him by my presence. I am carrying him as he carries the secrets to the throne of God.
We were told by a former bishop that Lin would need ice cream, lots of ice cream, when he came home late at night weighed down with the burdens a bishop needs to carry. At the time I wondered how could I give Lin comfort food when he is lactose intolerant and doesn't eat after eight?!
Now I don't think he will need ice cream. I think all he will need is my love and my arms around him to help hold him up. It may be challenging, but with the help of God, I know that I can still feel close to him and still feel part of this work that he is doing even when I don't know what it is. I can't carry the secrets, but sometimes I can carry the Bishop and that is enough.
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