Confessions of a Bishop's Wife: There's Nothing For It

By: Deborah Pace Rowley

My husband received the call to be the bishop 3 weeks before he was actually sustained. That was certainly the longest three weeks of our lives. For the first two weeks we felt incredible opposition from the adversary. There were feelings of inadequacy, doubt, anxiety, discouragement, self-pity, regret, all topped with feelings of being completely overwhelmed.

Fortunately the Lord of the Rings didn't let us down and provided the perfect mantra for this moment as well. Do you remember the scene where Frodo is bemoaning his fate and complaining that the burden of the ring is just too hard and wishing he could give up and just go home? Sam says matter-of-factly, "There is nothing for it Mr. Frodo." It didn't matter how bad Frodo felt, his task had to be done. There was no one else who could take his place, there was no other option. There it was.

I must have said to my husband a dozen times that two weeks, "There is nothing for it Mr. Frodo." He certainly wasn't going to back out or turn down the call. He had received his own witness that the call was from God. We couldn't move. Even though we thought about it! There was only one thing left to do. All he could do was keep moving forward and do his best. Sometimes you just need to hear someone say, "There is nothing for it, Mr. Frodo." Or you need to say it to yourself.

It doesn't matter how bad you feel or how you wish things were different. When there is nothing for it, quit complaining, pull up your bootstraps and keep moving. After those first two weeks, a member of the Stake Presidency announced in our ward that we would be getting a new bishop. He encouraged the ward members to pray for this new bishop and his family even though they didn't know who they were praying for.

Almost immediately, I felt like I could breathe again. The prayers of these ward members made a tangible, incredible, and undeniable difference to our family. For my part, I felt that just maybe this was something we could do after all. I am so grateful for those prayers, prayers for an unknown, struggling and scared future bishop and his family. Somehow that last week we knew that they loved us, they supported us, God was mindful of us and everything would be okay. And it is. Doesn't it make you wonder, how many people are praying for you?

The Family Proclamation: God's Love for Us

Lesson II:

God’s Love For Us

Attention-Getting Activity:

Begin the lesson by having all the family members stand out in the hall while you call them in one at a time. Make sure that those in the hall can still hear. As you welcome each female family member say in a loud voice: “Now coming to family night, we have _______. This beautiful girl is good at_______. She adds this to_______ our family. We couldn’t live without her _______.” The rest of the family can cheer as this daughter enters the room. When you welcome a male family member say in a loud voice: “Now coming to family night, we have _______. This handsome boy is good at ________. He adds ________ to our family. We couldn’t live without his _______. “The rest of the family can cheer as this son enters the room.  

The Proclamation:

Hand out the Proclamation to each family member. Read the second paragraph together. 

All human beings, male and female, are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose. 

Testimony:

Bear testimony that each person was created by God. We are in his image. He has a physical body with hands, feet, eyes, ears and a mouth just as we do. He loves each of his children very much and He has a plan for our lives. You may want to emphasize this point by going around the circle and saying, “I know that God loves ___________” and repeat this for each child. 

Every boy was born to become a King. Every girl was born to become a Queen. Heavenly Father wants to bless us with everything that He has. This is our destiny. Whether we are a boy or a girl, our gender is important to our Heavenly Father’s plans for us. 

Extension Activity: 

Lay out the word strips you have made using the list below. Lay out the Headings: Girls, Boys, or Both. Have the family decide which words describe boys and which words describe girls and which words describe both. Explain that for some of the words there is no right or wrong answer. There are many things that both boys and girls can do to strengthen and help the family such as clean, cook, and care for children. 

The world will try to convince you that boys and girls are exactly the same and that they should be treated and act the same. Heavenly Father teaches us that boys and girls are different. We were boys and girls in heaven and we will continue to be boys or girls after we die. We each have different roles and responsibilities but Heavenly Father loves his daughters and sons equally. Each is vital to our Heavenly Father’s plan. We must work together and use our individual strengths to help our home function as smoothly as possible. 

Refreshments:  

Serve ice cream cones with pink and blue ice cream in honor of boys and girls. Talk about how wonderful it is to have both boys and girls in this world. It keeps things interesting! 

Word Strips:

BOY GIRLS BOTH

Dolls Balls           Sports

Father Mother          Prays

Bishop Relief Society President          Home Teacher

Visiting Teacher Ribbons and Curls Dresses

Shirts and Ties Missionary Grandma

Grandpa Cooks         Cries

Smiles Works in the Yard Cleans

Cares for the Baby Pregnant         Smart

Outdoors Studies the scriptures Teacher

Primary Leader Stake President         Serves others

Sensitive to the Spirit Desire to be Good Testimony

Patriarch Matriarch         Talks a lot

Talks a little Gives Blessings         Husband

Wife Brother         Sister

Uncle Aunt         Cousin 

Temple Worker Priesthood Holder Friend

Fixes everything Can kiss boo-boos better         Strong

Good in Math Reads books         Son

Unique and Special Loved by Heavenly Father          Daughter

Confessions of A Bishop's Wife: Holding Secrets

By: Deborah Pace Rowley

Last Thursday night, I attended a wedding reception and ran into a dear friend. We spent our time in the   receiving line catching up. I told her about my husband's new call. She talked about her experiences dating again. Almost three years ago, her husband left her and their five children after having an affair. I remember how devastated and shocked we all were at this news. I saw this couple as having the ideal marriage.

As we visited, I shared with her some of my deepest fears. I don't feel as close to Lin anymore. He is so busy. His mind is always somewhere else. There are things he knows that he can't tell me. There are secrets that he has to keep and I am scared of the distance that I feel between us. I had never vocalized my feelings even to myself but there they were. I didn't want to lose my husband. I didn't want to lose the love and the closeness we had shared. This bishop thing had come between us.

Later that night, I was in bed alone and I began to feel anxious again. As I started to pray, a feeling of peace came over me. The Spirit whispered to me, "They are not his secrets." With joy, I realized that was true. This is different. They are not his secrets. He is taking other people's secrets and carrying them to God. He is entrusted as the secret keeper for a short time. He can help people carry their burdens to the throne of God, where he can leave the secrets and let the Atonement do it's work.

Suddenly I could picture Frodo bearing the ring. (I told you everything comes back to the Lord of the Rings in our family.) It was almost more than Frodo could carry at times but he wasn't on his journey alone. While Sam couldn't carry the ring, Sam could stand beside Frodo. And Sam would eventually carry the ring-bearer to his destination on Mount Doom.

I loved this image. The Bishop is holding those secrets but I am holding the Bishop and loving and strengthening him by my presence. I am carrying him as he carries the secrets to the throne of God.
We were told by a former bishop that Lin would need ice cream, lots of ice cream, when he came home late at night weighed down with the burdens a bishop needs to carry. At the time I wondered how could I give Lin comfort food when he is lactose intolerant and doesn't eat after eight?!

Now I don't think he will need ice cream. I think all he will need is my love and my arms around him to help hold him up. It may be challenging, but with the help of God, I know that I can still feel close to him and still feel part of this work that he is doing even when I don't know what it is. I can't carry the secrets, but sometimes I can carry the Bishop and that is enough.

Confessions of a Bishop's Wife: The Raggedy Man

By: Deborah Pace Rowley

The Bishop had just arrived home. It was later than usual so I knew that he had stopped by a ward member's home. He was just heading back to the bedroom when my 7-year-old nephew Cameron started to laugh hysterically. Suddenly my husband was shaking his back side for all the kids in the house to see and eliciting peals of laughter. Then he turned around so that I could see the gaping hole in the backside of his jeans.

Oh dear! Could this wonderful, endearing raggedy man really be the bishop? The guy who never buys clothes for himself but always sees that his kids and his wife have what they need? He has had those same jeans for probably 7 years. The coat that he wears on cold nights to give blessings and offer counsel is tattered and worn--- a Christmas gift almost 9 years ago.

Of course, he had sat down on a ward member's couch and heard the tell-tale rip. He smiled and said, "Did you hear that?" The ward members only nodded. He admitted it was a little bit embarrassing. I hope they love the bishop as much as we do. I hope that they understand we honor and respect his office and mean no disrespect by his raggedy clothes. It is just that he always puts the needs of others first. I think today I will go to the store.